So Jennifer Love Hewitt is a smart gal. I read an interview with her recently, and in between discussing her new book and being ‘bedazzled”, she spoke about the concept of romantic love. Ultimately, she suggested that it was fine to romanticize a relationship once in it, but not a wise idea to do so, right at the start.
I couldn’t agree more. I just recently reconnected with someone who I’ve crossed paths with for over a decade, but never spent much time with. We’ve gone on a few dates and due to our familiarity, it’s created a unique comfort level and trust that usually takes much longer to develop. After a few lovely dates, he left for Peru, and to my surprise within a couple of days I found myself missing him. I’m a very selective dater, and so because this feeling is rare to me, I got excited about it. I began to think I might actually like this guy.
This is where it got interesting and became a classic example of “premature romanticizing”: We exchanged a couple of e-mails while he was away that I found myself disappointed by. For some reason, I was expecting him to share some sweet sentiments, but they weren’t offered. And after a few days of discomfort around my disappointment, I thought, “Jesus… he’s in Peru on a work trip, having an adventure, and we’ve only gone out a few times”. I became aware that I was completely projecting onto him what I was looking for and who I wanted him to be. (And of course, now that he’s left the country, I can easily turn him into the ideal man, since he can do no wrong, lol!) I realized that
How I was feeling, had NOTHING to do with him at all.
Again; we’d only gone on a few dates. I barely know the guy. Thank goodness I checked in with myself as soon as I recognized my discomfort. Our mind loves to play delusional tricks on us, doesn’t it?
So thanks Jennifer Love Hewitt, because my thoughts returned to your article. I was able to take a step back, and in witnessing my projections, was able to laugh at myself, and put my premature romanticized thoughts to a halt. I figure, perhaps I should go on at least a couple of more dates with him before I decide if he’s Mr. Wonderful. And if he’s not, I’m okay with that too. Apparently there’s a whole sea of fish out there. Think I’ll take my time and pick the right one. ;)
Ahh the girlfriend or boyfriend in another country… I fell for that one a couple of times :D
Comment by Andrew — March 24, 2010 @ 12:45 pm
I’ve had different experiences. One of them was a 6 month relationship which blossomed into 4 years of truly unforgettable moments – and we both romanticized from the start. The second (and current) experience is a long distance relationship where we’re been together since early November of last year – yet live on 2 separate continents.
I would be reluctant to follow strictly either the romanticize-right-away or take-it-slow approach. I believe it is best to simply go with the flow – experience your feelings, enjoy the moment and let it grow into something deeper or let it dissipate as a snowflake melting on the ground….
Comment by Michael — March 29, 2010 @ 1:20 am