Begin Within

Recently I’ve been dealing with change; much of which is significant. The end of an old relationship, the beginning of new ones, my living situation, changing significant aspects of my career, etc…  Often in my past, I’ve become overwhelmed with this amount of change. The feeling of wanting “a safe place to stand” would arise. I would feel desperate to find that safe place where I could rest my head in order to calm my fears.

For some reason, although much uncertainty exists currently, I am finding that these said insecurities are not transforming into the paralyzing fear they once did. Somehow, instead, I am able to maintain a calm mind, allowing me to make new, proactive choices. This of course, is due to my ability to surrender to the nature of impermanence; something that even a year ago, I wasn’t nearly as skilled at doing.

There is essentially nothing that remains the same in life. The only thing we can always count on is change. And any time we “think” we have found stable ground, we find that sooner or later, the ground begins to fall beneath our feet. Our relationships are guaranteed to change or end, as do our jobs, and our physical bodies. So it makes sense, that if change is the one constant in life, that we find a way to make peace with it. Embrace it. Surrender. This of course, is easier said than done. I do my best to remind myself that it’s okay to feel whatever discomfort I’m feeling in these times. My meditation practice is imperative. The spaciousness that arises in this state, offers me calmness and clarity… and sometimes, that’s enough. I breathe in and breathe out.

In the end, I notice myself seeking a “safe place to stand” less and less. Knowing that all external security is fleeting, I prefer to seek peace by surrendering to the impermanence of things, rather than the so-called “solid ground”, which of course, it’s only solid for so long.

And once we no longer require the ground to create our false sense of security, it is then, that we begin to feel we can more effortlessly float through the challenges that arise in life…. And oh, how lovely a feeling that is.

Hello, and welcome to my first blog. When I first sat down to write, I noticed feelings arise around expectations to write something profound; something that would offer me credibility and validate my expertise in the field of personal and spiritual development.

The creation of this website has been a humbling experience. I created over 10 re-writes of the home page until my intentions became clear. Initially I felt pressured to represent myself as an “authority”, as this is what appears to be typically recommended. However, once I reflected on the purpose for this website, I realized that being regarded as an authority was not as relevant as offering authenticity and my truth. And the truth is, the only thing I’m a true authority on is my own experience.

Once I finally released the need to be seen as any kind of “spiritual guru”, I felt an enormous sense of freedom, because THAT is such a large part of what I’m striving for in my own personal path; the freedom to accept who I am, wherever I am.

As a “recovering perfectionist” this has been a challenge for me, but I have recognized far too frequently how perfectionism has been my own worst enemy. I have avoided taking risks in life due to fear of failure and fear of success. Now, I openly share my mistakes and welcome humility. This has been helpful in my own growth, as it is out of this, that true strength is derived.

And so instead of authority, I choose authenticity. And my hope is that in my choosing this, my words may resonate deeper or this may inspire others to consider releasing the need to be anything other than who they are. Perhaps just for today, we can look in the mirror and say “this is who I am and that is enough”.

And by the way… now that I don’t have to be perfect, I think this whole blogging thing is going to be a lot more fun. ;)

As always…. Begin Within.

“If I am not I, who will I be?” Henry David Thoreau